The Last Night
by foREVerhauntingme
Summary: "Why are you even bothering with me! There is absolutly nothing special about me!" The albino stared at him. "Yes there is...you are amazing. I...I love you, Birdie." PruCan,crappy summary. Previously called UNTITLED. Dont be confused by title change!
1. Nothing to Lose

**_This story was previously called UNTITLED. I have changed the name...because i can. ^.^_**

_So, this is just a bit of random angst that i decided to write about Cananda and his family issues. I was listening to Nothing to Lose by Billy Talent. It fits perfectly. _

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Nothing to Lose<strong>

_Dear Diary:_

_Today I decided that my life is over. I will no longer live here in peace. I will no longer deal with this bullshit world. I will no longer be mistaken for my brother. I will no longer be beaten up without any reason. I will no longer try…_

_I have always tried to fit in; to have friends. All I ever wanted was to be my own person. My whole existence is a mistake. Dad and Papa…they have no idea. Sure they assumed that adopting us both would be a good idea…if only they would have taken Alfred and left me there all those years ago._

_I should not exist. There is no reason to keep me here. _

_Tomorrow t is the night I will do it. Papa just bought a brand new bottle of sleeping pills…unopened. That will be enough…_

_This is my last night on earth…my last night writing in this book…my last night. _

_All my homework is done. My teeth are brushed, my stomach, full. I showered and wrote the note that will be left for my parents and brother, though they probably won't get to it until my body begins to decay and smell…at least they'll read it eventually. _

_Figures that tonight there is a thunderstorm. It's almost as if the world feels my emotions and is acting accordingly. _

_What are my plans? After this last entry, I will make another cut on my arm. Tomorrow I will go to school as planned…return home and act a usual so as not to raise suspicion to the family that doesn't even know I exist. When they are all in bed…I shall take every pill and climb in bed. Then it will all be over…_

_Do you think I'll see my real parents in heaven?_

_Who am I kidding? Even if I was going there…which I'm not…they wouldn't want to see me. I'm invisible._

_-Mathew Williams_

_My Last Night on Earth_

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><p><em>This is all i have so far...it's sad, i know. FYI, all my chapters will be song related. Mainly sad songs...I'll let you know what song it was at the beginning of each chapter.<em>


	2. Unaffected

_Here is chapter 2! FINALLY! I know it's been a while...i've been reading fanfics instead of writing. I have updated on Ti Proteggerò so there's a big PLUS for me! YAY! This chapter doesn't really have a song to go with it that i could find...i will probibly find a song and change the title...Unaffected by Sick Puppies. It kinda makes sense...maybe...not really...ya...no..._

_whatever...here it is_

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Unaffected<strong>

His right arm was stiff from the fresh cuts that graced it. Today was going to suck. It was a good thing that he would never have to go through this again. Mathew climbed out of bed, put on his glasses, grabbed his hoodie to cover the scares, and walked to his door. The smell of bacon filled his nose and he rushed into the kitchen to claim a few pieces before his brother inhaled them all.

"Morning." He greeted quietly. His dad glanced at him from behind this morning's paper and blinked at him before glancing at Alfred, who was scarfing down a piece of bacon. Finally remember who he was, Arthur turned back to his quiet son. "Good morning, Mathew."

Alfred nodded in his direction as Mathew sat down and filled his plate. Their French papa, a better cook then their dad, came gliding out of the kitchen with a whole other plate of bacon and toast. "Morning, mon chere!"

"Morning, Papa."

"And how did you sleep last night."

"Ca va, et toi?"

"Oh, tres bien, tres bien!"

Arthur glanced at his watch, "Boys, it's 7. Better hurry up or you'll be late for school."

Alfred scarfed his last bacon and ran off to the bathroom. Mathew sighed. Now he'd never be able to get ready for school on time. Slowly, he grabbed both his and Alfred's plates and walked to the sink. He placed them in and then went to his bedroom and got dressed in his favorite Grey hoodie and skinny jeans. He ran his fingers through his hair since there was no way he'd be able to wash it with Alfred in there. He stood in front of his mirror and stared at himself. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him, but the other students ignored him. Except for the times he got mistaken for Alfred, he was invisible. This was it. His last day.

"Boys! You've got ten minutes!"

He sighed and grabbed his messenger bag. Checking its contents he saw he had his notebooks, sketchbook, diary, and headphones with iPod. Everything was there. He left his room and walked out the door, Alfred running to catch up to him.

"Hey, Mattie! Wait up!"

He stopped and his brother almost ran directly into him. "You're in a weird mood today."

Mathew rolled his eyes and mutter under his breath.

"Wha?"

"Nothing…"

Alfred stared at him. "What's wrong?"

They continued to walk towards school. Mathew tried to come up with a reason, but failed. Finally he decided to half tell him. "Well, it's just that i-"

"HEY! HONDA!"

Mathew stared after his brother, who ignored him completely and ran over to the Japanese boy. He sighed. At least now he didn't have to explain everything to him. Mathew just kept walking and entered the school.

At his locker, his combo failed him yet again. After his sixth try, he managed to open it, only to have someone running through the halls plow right into him. His backpack hit the ground and opened. Books flew all over the floor, his locker slammed shut and the person and he fell to the ground. Without missing a beat, the student got to his feet and took off running again, failing to even realize that he had run into Mathew. The Canadian sighed, fighting back tears, and began collecting his books.

"Are you ok? Dude, that was a horrible crash. Totally un-awesome."

Mathew looked up at the student who had spoken and he gaped. The albino before him was gorgeous. His platinum blond hair sat messily on his head. His red eyes stared deep into his own violet; making him blush.

"Uh…um…I-I"

The albino seemed to not notice Mathew's stuttering and bent down to help retrieve his books. "That stupid bastard…I'll beat the shit out of him for not even staying to help with this mess he created."

Mathew's red faced deepened to an almost purple. "N-no. Don't do that!" He yelled in horror, before realizing he had screamed and shut his mouth closed. "I-I mean…don't do that f-for my sake. It's fine…really, it is."

The albino stared at him. "Oh, well. He deserves it anyway…for not being awesome. Like me!"

Picking up the last of his books and shoving them back into his backpack, his savior stood up, offering his hand to Mathew. "I'm Gilbert. Gilbert Beilschmidt." Mathew didn't take it, but instead stood up and hugged the notebook in his arms closer to his body. "Mathew." He whispered.

"Wait, what? I didn't catch that." The bell rang at that exact moment, drowning out Gilbert. Mathew offered a sad smile, grabbed his bag off the floor and ran off to class.

Gilbert stared after the blond. "What the hell?" He shook his head and started walking. His right foot came into contact with something. He stopped, backed up and looked down. It was a book. Reaching down, he realized that the boy must have left it. Looking it over he saw that in really petite, cursive writing it said 'Diary".

A smile came to Gilbert's lips. He now had a way to find out who the mysterious boy was…

_Dear Diary,_

_ Again I am nursing a busted lip._

_This time it was that one Cuban…once again screaming every curse word he knew while beating me senseless. Dad seems a little concerned because of all the fights I get into…he doesn't understand that it's not my fault. Alfred says he'll 'be the Hero and beat the shit out of him for doing this to his brother…blah, blah.' Nothing's going to happen. Nothing _ever_ happens. He forgets…until the next time I end up bruised._

_If he only saw my arms…and my thighs…._

_ One day, I'm just going to give up._

_That day is coming…soon._

_-Mathew Williams_

_Hoping the World Will Accept…_

Gilbert stared at the short entry. Holy crap! This kid…he was serious. He'd been through a decent amount of pages and they _all_ seemed to contain an insane amount of angst…and loneliness…

Einsamkeit…

He thought the word in German. Suddenly remembering a time when he too felt like the world was going to rip apart and send him sliding into an endless vortex of nothing but pain and…einsamkeit.

He shuddered, suddenly compelled to read more. Ok, sure. He did feel guilty about reading the boy's obviously painful life secrets, but…he felt that he needed to _do_ something about it. The kid was obviously serious about possibly killing himself and that was completely un-awesome! So, in order to know exactly what he was getting himself into, he needed to read more.

_Dear Diary,_

_ The moon is full tomorrow…which is what makes it beautiful tonight as I write. The lights are off and my window is open, allowing the cold breeze to brush against my tear-stained eyes. Nothing changes as the days go by…_

_I feel really lost. Life continues without me, even though I try to get involved. All I have is my tears and my scares. _

_One would think that Alfred would notice that his razor is gone…but he doesn't. He just buys himself a new one and continues to forget about me. _

_I've made my plans. _

_I do intend to commit suicide by taking sleeping pills. I'm not entirely sure when yet…I need a day that…_

_Who am I kidding? Any day would work because every day is the same. _

_I just need to become so fed up that I no longer desire to fight the waves and let them take me. I know that day is coming…_

_-Mathew Williams_

_I Wanna Meet My Maker in Peace, I Wanna Fell Alive Again…_

"Whatcha doing?"

Gilbert snapped the diary shut and looked up at the Italian. He really didn't know how to read the atmosphere. Not wanting to hurt his friends feelings, he plastered a fake smile. "Hey, Feli. What's up?"

"Vee~! Nothing. I just saw you sitting here reading and I got confused. You don't read."

The Prussian rolled his eyes. "I only read when it's awesome and catches my attention." Feli cocked his head to the side. Realizing that the Italian was not going to let him off that easily, he decided to change the subject. "So, how are you and West doing? I haven't seen you over for a while?"

"Ya, Lovino has been a little…_rude_ to Ludwig…he's been keeping an eye on us, making sure nothing happens…" Feliciano's turned into a pout. "I _wish_ something would happen…"

Gilbert's eyes grew wide and a smile cracked his lips. "Oh you do, do you?"

"Vee~! I love Ludwig so much! I want to_ express _my love for him!"

"And he's being too 'German' to get the hint…I can do something about that…"

The Italian's eyes lit up. "Really~? That would be so nice, Gilbert~!"

"Yep!" the bell rang and the teacher walked into the room. Gilbert rolled his eyes and randomly opened the diary back up to the last entry.

_Dear Diary:_

_ Today I decided that my life is over. I will no longer live here in peace. I will no longer deal with this bullshit world. I will no longer be mistaken for my brother. I will no longer be beaten up without any reason. I will no longer try…_

_ I have always tried to fit in; to have friends. All I ever wanted was to be my own person. My whole existence is a mistake. Dad and Papa…they have no idea. Sure they assumed that adopting us both would be a good idea…if only they would have taken Alfred and left me there all those years ago._

_ I should not exist. There is no reason to keep me here. _

_ Tomorrow t is the night I will do it. Papa just bought a brand new bottle of sleeping pills…unopened. That will be enough…_

_ This is my last night on earth…my last night writing in this book…my last night. _

_ All my homework is done. My teeth are brushed, my stomach, full. I showered and wrote the note that will be left for my parents and brother, though they probably won't get to it until my body begins to decay and smell…at least they'll read it eventually. _

_ Figures that tonight there is a thunderstorm. It's almost as if the world feels my emotions and is acting accordingly. _

_ What are my plans? After this last entry, I will make another cut on my arm. Tomorrow I will go to school as planned…return home and act a usual so as not to raise suspicion to the family that doesn't even know I exist. When they are all in bed…I shall take every pill and climb in bed. Then it will all be over…_

_ Do you think I'll see my real parents in heaven?_

_ Who am I kidding? Even if I was going there…which I'm not…they wouldn't want to see me. I'm invisible._

_-Mathew Williams_

_My Last Night on Earth_

HOLY SHIT! That was yesterday's date. He was planning on killing himself tonight! Gilbert felt a sudden need to do something…it had to be sneaky. Mathew didn't know him and if he approached him, the boy could run. He couldn't tell Alfred…he wouldn't know what to do or he'd forget…idea!

He pulled out his phone and texted Ludwig.

**U have Jones's number?**

A few moments later…

**Alfred? No…Kiku might. Why?**

Gilbert exited Ludwig's name and went to Kiku's

**You have Alfred's number?**

**Yes. XXX-XXX-XXXX**

**Thanks!**

He exited that and went to a new contact. Alfred Jones…

**Hey! It's Gilbert!**

**Beilschmidt? How'd u get my #?**

Gilbert rolled his eyes. **Kiku. Hey, u wanna hang after schl? I'm hangin w/ Luddy, Feli & Lovi, just thght I'd ask & c if u & ur bro wanted 2 hang.**

A couple of tense minutes passed when Gilbert had to hide his phone because the teacher was walking about the class. It buzzed again.

**Sure, I'll ask Mattie l8r.**

Gilbert smiled his cocky smile. **Alrite!**

He closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket. Success…

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><p><em>There it was...do you understand his plan? Yes, he is a sneaky one, non? If you don't understand, it will be explained more in the next chapter...okay, not really. Bu if you can't get it then...ask. (i could be mean, but im not like that...at least, i won't let you know if i am or not ^.~) Review<em>


	3. Lies

_I am ALIVE! I know that it has been *calculates in head* over a month...i have my reasons and i'm not repeating them (check my Lo_ _Ti Proteggerò ... Fratello story of you're so dang curious. Anywho, here is chapter 3..._

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Lies<strong>

By the time Mathew finally turned on the lights of his bedroom, he was so worn out that he collapsed onto his bed. He laid there, mind racing through the events that occurred over the past 5 hours. Alfred had randomly approached him and said that they were going to hang out with some of his _friends._ Why Mathew had been invited in the first place shocked him so much that he had agreed before realizing that it was really going to mess with his suicide attempt. He had been stuck. Once he agreed, there was no going back for him.

When they both arrived at the park to meet up with the rest of the group, his eyes immediately feel on the albino. His heart seemed to have stopped. Mathew had never even seen this kid before and now twice in one day. The boy, Gilbert, was the one who had apparently cooked this who thing up. He decided that 'everyone needed an awesome day to hang out with their awesome brothers and why not do it than with the embodiment of awesome, me' was his exact words, much to his younger brother Ludwig's dismay.

The other two boys were Feliciano and Lovino Vargas. Mathew knew Feliciano from an observer's point of view, since he had never spoken to the boy before in his life. So, he knew what was coming before it came. Feliciano had immediately jumped at both him and Alfred and bombarded them with questions and comments. "HI~! I'm Feliciano~! I love pasta? Do you like pasta? Oh, this is my f_ratello,_ Lovino, and my boyfriend, Ludwig, and I think you know his brother Gilbert, since Gil is the one who planned this. Isn't this nice~! It's so nice hanging out with new people~!"

Alfred took to the hyper Italian well, since he had ADHD and managed to keep up quite well. His brother, on the other hand, was just frowning and making rude comments about everything. Ludwig seemed embarrassed at how Feliciano clung to him and Gilbert…Gilbert just stared at Mathew the whole time. Matt noticed this, but nothing he did hint-wise would get the boy to stop. It was almost like…he was keeping an eye on him. When they started walking around town trying to come up with ideas, Gilbert would also ask what Matt thought or if he was ok doing it. All this managed to though was completely creep Mathew out.

While they walked around town, they ran into Kiku and his cousin Yao. Even though they weren't 'brothers', Gilbert decided they were 'awesome' enough to join them. The group never ended up doing anything. Instead the eight of them merely walked the streets for five hours, mainly talking about nothing. Mathew did enjoy himself, but he didn't really feel like he belonged. The whole time he just followed them around out of the fact that he had nothing else to do…and plus, Gilbert tried to always make sure no one forgot about him. As nice of a gesture as it was, Matt couldn't help but feel…uncomfortable. He was so used to being invisible that whenever Gilbert said his name or wrapped his arm around him, Mathew would try to shy away, but to no avail. The other boy was relentless.

A sudden urge came over him and he decided that he should write about Gilbert in his diary. He reluctantly stood up and walked over to his discarded messenger bag. Fishing his hand through the open sack, his heart seemed to stop. His diary was not in there. Panic over took him and his mind started racing. When was the last time he saw it? This morning. Defiantly this morning. He always made sure he had it in his bag before he went to school in case his papa decided to go on a cleaning spree and accidently come across it. There were too many decrees of suicide to leave it unattended. Then _where was it?_

Then it clicked. This morning after he opened his locker and was run over. His bag had strewn the contents all over the place when…it…OH GOD! That meant…

His

Diary

Was

Lost

At

SCHOOL!

Mathew had somehow managed to fall into a fitful sleep with a vow that he would find his diary…_untouched. _When he sluggishly woke up to his alarm, the thought of his missing diary crashed into his conscious mind and he flew out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready.

Hurrying out in record time, he ran right into Alfred who was waiting for his turn.

"Hey…where's the fire?"

Mathew ignored him and walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, mon chere!"

"Morning, Papa."

Francis looked his youngest son over, his brows furrowing. "Mathieu? Êtes-tu bien?

"Oui. Je suis juste fatigue." He replied, side stepping his father and placing bread into the toaster. Francis seemed to believe him. "Oh yes, your father has to go out of town for the next couple days and I am needed at the restaurant more, so I will be leaving earlier and returning later. So that means it will be mostly just you and Alfred."

"Alright!" Alfred had just walked into the room and began to celebrate.

"I do ask that you both please be good."

Mathew rolled his eyes. He didn't need to be told. Alfred on the other hand…he needed to be under guard 24/7. This did, however, fit in with his delayed plans perfectly…

"Oui, Papa."

"Sure."

Francis shook his head. "You both should get going. Have a _merveilleuse_ day!"

Mathew ran back to his room and grabbed his bag before trying to catch up to his brother, who had, once again, left without him.

Gilbert had arrived at school early in hopes of catching Mathew so he could return his diary. God forbid the kid have a heart attack because he didn't have it. He seemed like the type to do that type of thing. Especially since Matt seemed to write in the thing _every day!_

"Ve~! Gilbert~!" He jerked forward as Feliciano glomped him, squeezing his insides to an uncomfortable size. "Hey, Feli." He looked over his shoulder at the smiling Italian and immediately pat his head. "How are today?"

"Ve~! I'm good~!" He released Gilbert, who rubbed his back and had to stretch his insides back to their proper place.

"That's awesome."

"Gilbert!"

Looking behind Feli and saw Antonio approaching with the ever glum Lovino. "Toni! Hey!" As they approached, Lovino scoffed and tried to stand as far from Gilbert as possible without leaving Antonio's side.

"Hey, I hear that I missed a party yesterday? Why wasn't I invited?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes at the Spaniards fake act of being hurt. "It wasn't a party, Toni."

"Gilbert said it was for awesome siblings to spend time together~! Right, ve~?"

"That's right Feli." That reminded him. "Hey, where's Luddy?"

Feliciano's smile fell a little. "He said he had something he needed to turn in before class." Gilbert frowned. He really needed to come up with a plan to get those two together…

"Damn potato-bastard…" Gilbert rolled his eyes as Antonio tried to cheer up the Italian.

"Be nice, Lovi!."

Lovino then turned on him. "Shut up tomato-bastard!" The six minute bell rang just then and Lovino grabbed Toni and Feli's arms and dragged them off without a backwards glance. Gilbert rolled his eyes and sighed. Why was he friends with him again? Well, he was brothers with Ludwig, who was dating Feliciano, whose brother was Lovino who was dating his best friend, Antonio, so there really was no way out of it. He sighed again and made to walk to class when he ran into someone.

"Sorry…" came the quiet reply. He looked down at the boy and mentally smacked himself in the head.

"Hey, Mattie!" The boy jumped and made a quiet squeak before slowly glancing up at him. Gilbert wrapped his arm around the Mathew's shoulder which caused another squeak. This made Gilbert laugh. "You know Mattie, you remind me a lot of a bird. The way they watch and make high pitched sounds when frightened."

"Don't guinea pigs do that?" came the almost silent question.

Gilbert laughed again. "I guess they do, but you don't remind me of one of those. You're just like a bird. That's awesome though." Mathew mumbled something. "What, Birdie?"

The boy stared at him with violet eyes that made Gilbert smile. "I said, 'Is 'awesome' the only word in your vocabulary?"

"Well, of course. I am awesome, so of course I say 'awesome' a lot."

"So you basically compare everything to yourself?"

Gilbert blinked at him. "I guess…if you put it that way…" Then something tugged at the back of his mind. He carefully explored it until the reason he had come to school early came shooting into his head. "Oh ya! I forgot." He pulled his backpack half off his shoulder and searched for the book in question. "I have your diary." The blonds eyes grew wide in horror as he snatched the book back.

"Y-you didn't r-read it, d-di you?"

Crap. "No."

He could practically see the relief wash over him as he turned to walk away. Gilbert groaned in frustration. Now what? He just said he didn't, but he really did and really wanted to talk to him about it. So…in other words…he lied. Which is completely un-awesome. Crap. Crap. Crap. SHIT!

"Wait!" He ran and caught up to the blond who stared back at him in confusion and annoyance. "Birdie…I…" Fudge…"Do you really get beat up because they think you're your brother?" Gilbert automatically regreted saying it. The look of absolute horror and anger that appeared on the quiet boy's face made him wary and afraid.

"What…did…you say? You read it? You…READ IT! You…you…you…" Gilbert flinched as Mathew brought his fist up like he was going to hit him before pausing. Tears glistened in his eyes and he pushed Gilbert and ran past him to the bathroom to hide.

Gilbert stared after him before walking over to the wall and slamming his forehead against the lockers just as the actual bell rang.

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><p><em>And there it was...<em>

_I have ideas for the next chapter already and now that school is over and i have a friend who will be BUGGING me to write more *cough*Jax aka Japan aka Jaxqueline*cough* i shall be trying to update all my stuff and write more. Oneshots and i have other story ideas...*plots*_

_REVIEW or I QUIT! (jk...maybe...)_


	4. No More Secrets

_Sorry it's been a while. I went on vacation to Turkey Run and was too busy to write. Here it is..._

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: No More Secrets<strong>

He heard the bell ring, but didn't dare move from his hiding place in the bathroom stall. He read it. He had actually _read_ his _diary_! This annoying kid, who had absolutely _nothing to do with him,_ had gone and taken his diary…and _read it!_ Mathew slammed his head against the wall of the stall over and over.

"B-birdie?"

He froze, but said nothing.

"Birdie…please. Hear me out."

Mathew shook his head and suppressed a shudder. This guy was a piece of work.

Gilbert's footsteps were getting closer and stopped right outside his cubical. He sighed. "Mattie…I know you're in there. Please…"

"G-g-go a-away…" It came out as barley a whisper, but Gilbert sighed again and dropped to his knees, peering underneath the door and staring at him. "Birdie…"

"F-fuck you…"

The albino sighed again and began _crawling towards him! _"W-what the f-fuck are you _doing_!"

"If you're not going to open the door…then I have to come in here." Gilbert crawled into the cubical, sat back on his knees and groaned. "Wow…this is a tighter than I imagined."

Mathew rolled his eyes and tried his hardest not to smile. Why did he have such an effect on him! "N-no shit, Sherlock."

Gilbert shrugged. "Like I said, you wouldn't open the door and I have to explain myself…and I need to tell you…face to face."

"W-wh-what is there to tell? Y-you l-lied to me…you r-read it."

"I…" Gilbert tried to collect his thoughts in order to explain himself better. "L-listen…I saw it yesterday and I realized that I didn't know you're name really and…I wanted to know you better. I know that I shouldn't have, but…I wasn't expecting to read…_that!_ And…I figured that…since I now knew you're darkest secrets…I _had_ to do something! I couldn't just let you…_kill_ yourself!"

"Why! It's n-not like you even _know_ me! You have n-no idea what it's l-like!"

"I think I have a better idea than you think!"

"HOW! How could you _p-possibly_ know what it's like to b-be c-constantly forgotten by your family? How? How could you know w-what it's like to be mistaken for your brother by _everyone!_ By your own _p-parents!_ I have never been able to be myself or have a life of my own! I am always th-thought to be Alfred! Always! No one even _knows_ who I am or…the d-difference b-between me and my brother!"

Gilbert blinked at him. "I do."

Mathew paused and stared at him. "W-what?"

"I know you. You are _nothing_ like your dumbass brother. _You_ have brains. _You _are creative. _You _are _you!_ I know who you are and I…like it. Killing yourself will give you nothing. You wrote that 'no one would miss you'. But…I'm here and I…know you now and I…I would miss you."

Mathew just stared at him thought tear-streaked eyes. "You…would? But…you don't even know me."

Gilbert smirked. "I know you from what you wrote, but…I would like to know you better…can you give me a chance?" Should he? Gilbert was an ass for reading his diary without his consent, but…he seemed…like he was telling the truth. "So…that whole 'hang out with your brothers thing'…that was your way off keeping me safe…without telling my brother my secret?"

Now Gilbert smiled that cocky smile. "Yep. I'm sneaky aren't i?" Matt smiled. "Ya…you are…"

Leaning back against the door, Gilbert tried to maneuver himself so he could be comfortable, but failed and sighed before looking back at Mathew, who was wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "Hey, Birdie?"

The blond slowly looked up at him. "W-what?"

"Let's get out of here."

His eyes grew wide. "What! I'm not going to class."

"No, no, no…let's get out of here, as in _school._"

"What? As in…ditch?" Matt just stared at him. Was he serious?

"Ya…lets go." He stood up and unlocked the door, holding it opened for Mathew. "Come on. Let's go." Taking a deep breath, Mathew stood up and walked out of the door, slightly glancing at Gilbert before stopping and turning towards him. "Um…ok. What are we…going to…do?"

"Well…I'm hungry. So…let's go get some food!" Matt narrowed his eyes at him. He really was serious. "Um…"

Before he could say anything, Gilbert grabbed his arm and led him out of the bathroom, down the hall and out the door. They reached Gil's car and both got in before driving off to town.

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><p><em>I know it was short...i'm sorry but i hope it was good all the same...<em>


	5. Our Truth

_I am on a roll today~! I have updated this and Lo Ti Proteggerò Fratello...damn i am good~! If i write anymore i am serioudly foing to die...and i know im spelling crap wrong but i dont care. my gingers are tired and i feel like shit...gah i dont care freaking enjou this chapter_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Our Truth<strong>

They both found themselves sitting in a booth at apparently Gilbert's favorite breakfast place. He was eating a breakfast sandwich with an medium coffee while Mathew sat quietly with a small iced coffee and only a hash brown that he was nibbling on.

"So, tell me, Birdie, how come we've never crossed paths before?"

The boy sighed. "It's because I'm invisible. No one sees me. No one cares…"

"Jesus! Would you quite talking like that. It's driving me insane." Gilbert stared at him with determined eyes. "If 'no one' cares about you, then what the fuck does that make me?"

Mathew shrunk into his seat and refused to meet his eyes.

Gilbert sighed. "Birdie, you have no reason to think that way anymore. The awesome me is here and I am totally going to make sure that the now awesome you is noticed."

"I wish you wouldn't…"

"Why is that?"

"I-I don't think people will…"

Gilbert motioned for him to continue before going back to his bagel sandwich.

"I don't think people will accept me."

"Birdie…believe me. They will. They'll love everything about you."

"If you say so." He took a small nibble from his hash brown before curiously looking at Gilbert. "You said you understood."

"Understood?"

"What it was like…to be…like me."

The albino chuckled and leaned back in his seat. He clicked his tongue and sighed, almost as if it was no big deal. But Matt could guess otherwise; Gilbert avoided eye contact. "Ya…my dad was a drunk bastard who beat me. My mom didn't give a shit until Ludwig came along. That's when the beatings became 'a big deal'. The bitch about it is, she stayed married to the dick and made him promise not to hit us." He rolled his eyes. "Bastard didn't keep his promise. I didn't give a shit if he hit me, but one time when mom was not home, he made a move towards Luddy. That's when I finally called the police. She still didn't leave him, so we were sent to live with our stick-up-the-ass grandfather." He rolled his eyes. "And that is how I can describe why Ludwig is the way he is. Growing up with that strict bastard." He shook his head and shrugged before going silent.

Mathew's mind raced through everything he had just heard. How could he feel so far gone when his life was not anywhere close to as bad as Gilbert's. How could he want to die when Gilbert, who was beaten as a child, seemed content with life. It didn't make any sense.

"Einsamkeit." Gilbert suddenly whispered to himself.

Mathew stared at him. "What?" the other boy blinked at him before smiling again. "Einsamkeit. It's German for loneliness and what I called my moment of depression."

"Oh."

There was a vibrating sound as Gilbert's phone received a text. He grabbed and read it.

"Oh, Luddy, Luddy…my silly little brother, you." His thumbs quickly replied before he sent it down on the table, laughing.

"What?"

"Ludwig knows I ditched…again. He said, and I quote, 'Gilbert, you ditched…again. This behavior has to stop.' So, I being the amazing older brother that I am, replied, 'Fine, I'll change my ways if you change yours first and seize Feli's vital regions.'" He then broke out into obnoxious laughter that earned them both annoyed looks from the workers and other customers. Mathew smiled and quietly laughed. Gilbert truly was a character…

"Wait…"

"What?"

Mathew smiled. "You just broke your thing. You said 'amazing older brother'…not 'awesome'." He laughed again at Gilbert's annoyed look.

The phone buzzed again, distracting him. "Oh…look at that. It's Feli. He says, 'What did you tell Ludwig? He won't show me L Where are you?' Well…let's see…'I'm…with…an awesome…friend…and don't…worry…I'm…just…trying…to help…ur…situation.' And send. Oh, and by the way, Birdie, 'amazing' is just as awesome as 'awesome'." He then stuck his tongue out at Matt, which made the blond giggle harder. "I can say whatever the fuck I want to because I'm just that…_amazing_."

Mathew rolled his eyes. "Sure…" the phone vibrated again.

"Hah! Now Ludwig's all flustered. Says 'Feli is being more touchy than usual' and he 'blames me' Awesome! Let's think…oh! 'I guess…that means…that…he…wants….you to…take…the claim….of what…is…naturally…yours…Have…fun…tonight…and be…safe! J' Gott, I am so freaking smart."

"So…you're hooking your brother up with Feliciano?"

"Well, ya…and no. They're already dating, but Feli's brother is a bitch. Keeping an eye on them and stuff. So, Ludwig, being the shy little embarrassed creature that he is, has backed off and Feli is not happy about that. I mean, Feliciano is so clingy and huggy and lovey while Luddy is a shy, quiet, little worker bee; so there wasn't much hope, but then Lovino had to be bitch and try to get in between. Now, Ludwig is separate and Feli is horny…so that's where I come in."

"You want them to…" He waved his hand around to enunciate what he meant. Gilbert laughed.

"Hell yes! Anything to de-flower my little brother. Gott knows Feli can't be a virgin. He's fucking Italian! If that doesn't say sex machine, then I don't know what will. Then, everyone knows Ludwig has never been laid in his life, so he's all pristine. It's perfect!"

Matt stared at him, disbelief etched on his face. "I don't know what's scarier…you, trying to get your brother…your _little_ brother…to have sex or the fact that you say it like it's the simplest, most common thing in the world." The albino shrugged.

"I do what I do."

The question suddenly popped into his head and he blushed just thinking about it. Besides, from the way he talked about it, there was no way Gilbert was still a virgin, so why bother asking at all. Said human stared at him and narrowed his eyes. "Birdie…I know you're thinking of something and it's embarrassing or something because you 1) haven't asked and 2) you're blushing. So spill."

The blond bit his lip. "Um…" God, why was it so hard. It wasn't because Gilbert was…cute or anything. No! It couldn't be…because he wasn't. It was because…he barley knew him! That must be it. That's why talking about his virginity seems off…"Are you…"

Gilbert obviously guessed the question and laughed obnoxiously again, earning more disgruntled looks. "Nope. I haven't been for a while now. You?" Mathew paled. He knew that Gilbert was going to turn the question around, but he hoped he wouldn't. Judging from the smug look Gilbert was giving him, it was obvious. "Ya…" He didn't laugh, but he did smirk.

"Knew it."

Matt rolled his eyes.

Gil sighed. "That's ok. Waiting for the right person. Smarter than me." He shrugged it off and looked around at the people He noticed the glares from the staff and sighed again. "Well, I'm full...ish. Let's get out of here before we get kicked out." They both stood and the relief that came off the people around them was evident. Mathew giggled again. He didn't know why, but being around Gilbert made him feel good. He had smiled and laughed more around him then he had by himself.

They both approached his car when Gilbert turned to face Mathew. He threw his arm around him. "Ya know, Birdie, this is one of the coolest days I've had in a long time. It's all thanks to you." Mathew blushed and shyly smiled. He knew exactly what Gilbert was talking about.

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><p><em>That was sweet no? A little look into Gilbert's life. I know alot of people make his life hell, but i just figured that in order to be gilbert, he had to live through hell. Which makes sense no? He was a war-country. Always fighting and going through hell...humph...sound familiar?<em>

_Next chapter is back to school and Matt gets to be part of the gang~!_


	6. No Love

_I am alive~! Sorry for the delay. I suck. I've been working on other stories and being lazy. I will admit. I fail...majorly. Reviews **do** help though~! They make me happy and determinded to write. ^.^_

_Now here it is...after a little friendly warning..._

_**Warning:** Contains details of cutting and self harm_

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 No Love<strong>

During the night, Mathew woke in a sweat. He wasn't entirely sure what he had been dreaming about, but it got him thinking about the day he had. Gilbert had been so nice to him. Too nice. There seemed to be something slightly off about him.

Maybe it had all been a farce. Something Gilbert had planned _just_ to keep Matthew alive simply because he felt guilty about reading Matt's diary. Yes! That had to be it! There was no way that someone like Gilbert would willingly go out of their way to save someone they didn't know _unless_ they were guilty about something…like reading someone's entire life without permission.

Not to mention that the journal itself, contained many threats and promises of suicide. So to add to the secrecy of Matt's life being held within those pages, there was also his deep thoughts about death and hoe much nicer it would be then his current life. Gilbert had to just feel guilty. It all had to be a lie. Gilbert was…

Mathew face palmed. God, why the hell was this so difficult. Gilbert was simply a loud, annoying person that saved Matt's life simply because he would have felt guilty if Matt killed himself under his knowledge.

If that was true, which it _had_ to be, then Matt's 'reason for living' was a lying asshole who only got involved to save his own conscious.

A cold shudder passed through Matt. He carefully sat up and pushed his blankets to the side before swinging his legs over the edge. He paused there for a moment and wiped his sweaty brow on his sleeve. The empty feeling was returning. Once again, Matt found himself thinking that no one out there really cared for him _for_ him. They only felt the need to _pretend _to care to fill their own selfish needs.

If Gilbert was a lie…then there really was no reason to exist here on earth anymore.

Mathew stood up and quietly made his way to the bathroom. He shut the door and flipped the switch, his eyes slamming shut from the blaring light that overburdened his large pupils. After the shrunk to normal size, he slowly opened them and began searching for the sleeping pills his papa had bought recently for Alfred. When he didn't find them, he sighed and realized that they must be in Alfred's room.

Since both his Papa and Father were both not going to be home as much, they must have put the bottle in Alfred's room to make sure he remembered to take them before bed, since he would have forgotten otherwise. This was smart on his parent's behalf because an Alfred at night who forgot his pills was like squirrel after seven cups of coffee.

Smart as it was, it _did _cut into his plans. This meant another day of being invisible and forgotten to the world, or, in Gilbert's case, a large amount of false smiles. Last thing Mathew needed was another day of false lies to make someone _else_ feel better. Especially since that someone else didn't need any more of an ego boost.

A tear fell from his eye. The feeling of nonexistence was over whelming for him. He bit his lip in anguish. If there was nothing else for him and he couldn't end it all right now, then he would have to bear it through the day.

Almost on instinct, he closed the first cabinet and opened the one beside it. Reaching in, he withdrew a razor; the razor he had stolen from his brother. The razor he had used to slice open his pale skin so many times.

Mathew placed the razor on the sink and then withdrew alcohol and gauze. He prepared the razor by coating it with alcohol before carefully sliding it over his scarred skin. The pain was instant, but it was easily masked by the feeling of life. He felt grounded.

Again, he sliced his skin.

And again.

Blood pooled over his arms and dripped onto the floor. Mathew felt lightheaded, but it didn't matter. He was alive. He was here. He wasn't invisible. He was real. The pain told him so.

The razor was cleaned and placed back into its hiding place. He cleaned the blood off the floor and sanitized it as best as he could. The drenched gauze in alcohol and bit his tongue in pain as it burned his new cuts.

Then he carefully wrapped his carved arm and barley made it into his room before he passed out from blood loss and fatigue.

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><p><em>So there it was. Poor Mattie. *shrug* You did want more angst, so i gave it to you~!<em>

_I'm sorry it's short. i was going to have school the next day, but then it would have been TOO long. *shrug*_

_Also, school starts tomaro for me . So...updates will be...weird. Well, weirder then they already are ._

_Again, sorry for the loooong delay in updates. I've been trying to get Lo Ti Proteggero Fratello going and i seem to be failing there too. Too many stories all battleing for my affection..._

_AND if there is anything in this story, AT ALL that you disagree with, let me know. I'm not a full expert on this. Only a partial ._

_REVIEW!_


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